God Always Responds in the Affirmative

Authentic Encounters

When I discovered Carl Rogers I knew I'd found God.

Rogers was the clinical psychologist who originated the concept of “client-led” therapy, which became the prevailing treatment model during the second half of the 20th Century. He believed the therapist was a “Special Helper” who need only listen supportively to clients as they explored their own issues. Rogers felt there was no need to offer advice or prescribe action. Once a client felt secure within the relationship— or “affirmed”, as Rogers called it— they would relax, and feel safe & comfortable enough to look at themselves honestly.

Rogers identified three attributes of a Special Helper:

1) Authenticity in all interactions

2) Shows unconditional positive regard

3) Empathetic listening

These are all that's needed to make a client feel affirmed, to find the space and courage to begin to look within for the true source of their problem. Interestingly, Rogers said that the Special Helper didn’t need to actually feel any of those attributes themselves. A client’s belief that these attributes were present was sufficient for them to feel affirmed.

---

Carl Rogers, doing his best Hunter S. Thompson impersonation.

A Shock to the System

I’d never heard of Carl Rogers until a good friend in recovery suggested him to me. His theory blew my mind, because it tracked completely with my initial experience of a Twelve-Step group. At my first meeting I admitted my alcoholism. I‘d lied about it for so long— to others and myself— that there was great relief in revealing what I then felt was a shameful weakness.

I was overwhelmed by the instant affection and support I felt from those in the room. They immediately supported me without reservation or condition. I was able to share myself— my true self. They shared stories of their own darkest moments. I knew they were listening and understanding everything I said.

I felt affirmed.

I didn’t have that language for the feeling at the time. It just felt like a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders. I felt like l’d been touched by God.

Carl Jung wrote famously of trying to jolt a patient into experiencing a “vital spiritual experience” to overcome his chronic alcoholism. While they typically take longer to produce results, the Twelve Steps are designed to produce a spiritual awakening. That is their explicit purpose. Jung believed such occurrences were in the nature of phenomena… but millions of people over the years have shown that spiritual awakening can be achieved by anyone who works through the Steps with the support and encouragement of a recovery community.

---

Sinful Nature?

Carl Rogers was also a prolific researcher. He generated reams of data on human psychology. His work demonstrated that human beings are innately socially-minded and self-preserving— that we’re all hard-wired to help others & to take care of ourselves. In other words, his decades of research suggests that the default human nature is basically “good”.

This is hard for many Western Christians to accept because they see humanity as fallen; that we are all born sinners who need divine salvation in order to be good. But Rogers’ perspective makes much more sense. And there is precedent for it in Orthodox Christianity.

Humans aren’t naturally sinful— we’re naturally fearful. Our “sins” stem not so much from being bad as they do from being, well, human. “Sin” is that which blocks us from God— that which blocks us from our true natures, which are of God. Our eternal Selves. Our Holy Spirit.

The Special Helper model works in addiction recovery just as it does in therapy, because it creates the relationship necessary for us to surrender our fears, and to grow naturally back towards connection and wholeness. Shouldn’t it work in our faith communities, as well?

---

The Ultimate Special Helper

I think most would agree that Jesus qualifies as a Special Helper. Whether you think he was the Son of God or a dirty hippie (or both!),  no one ever accused him of being inauthentic. He definitely showed unconditional positive regard, and he was a famously empathetic listener. 

Jesus was sought out by lepers seeking to be cured, a woman who couldn’t stop bleeding and a soldier begging for his dying daughter to be healed, to name just a few. He gave the same basic response to each:

“Your faith has made you well.”

Everyone healed by Jesus felt affirmed by his presence. Whether that’s a sufficient or necessary condition of healing is open to debate-- but every Gospel story reiterates it. Carl Rogers said a client could feel affirmed whether a Special Helper’s connection was genuine or not. It just had to feel authentic to the person. So was the healing a by-product of a special relationship with Jesus, or was it the work of God? Honestly, I’m not sure it matters. Especially for those of us who still follow him today.

If you read the Psalms of David you’ll find wildly emotional, angry, ecstatic and loving declarations to God. And his spiritual life didn't seem to be predicated on God's responses. It was enough for David to express himself, to be authentic, to feel heard. David was clearly a man who felt affirmed by God.

God always responds in the affirmative. That doesn’t mean God always says, “yes” to us… far from it. But believing that God is always authentic, loving, and listening might just provide the grace to start healing whatever's broken inside you.

The Special Helper model offers a whole new perspective on what it means to be God's "hands and feet" in the world. What if we all tried to be God's "ears and heart", instead? What if being a witness for God meant just that? We could do a lot more good if we spent our time working to affirm each other, rather than trying to convince each other of anything.

That’s just good science.

How would being a Special Helper align with your religious faith? Please share your thoughts in the Comments below!