Love vs. Hate
- Paul Traynor
- Feb 1, 2019
- 4 min read
Only One Needs the Other
The Real Deal
The older I get the more firmly I believe that love is the animating force of the Universe; the default setting for humanity and every other sentient life form. Love is creative and generative. It brings life and animates it. Love binds us to those we care about, builds excitement for the things we engage in, and motivates us to reach beyond ourselves in ways that constantly surprise us.
Hate is a counterfeit emotion.
That doesn’t mean hate isn’t real... merely that it can’t exist on its own. Hate is exclusively reactive— without love it has no substance or form. Hate is neither generative nor creative. It’s only function is opposition. Hate needs love in the same way the Devil needs God. Without God, Satan is just a dude in red tights.*
Hate clearly motivates a lot of human interaction, but it is a learned, maladaptive behavior. And like all maladaptive behaviors, hate starts out as adaptive. Just like drug addiction, cheating, lying or libertarianism, we engage in hate because it works. At first. Until it doesn’t. And by then it’s usually too late to stop.
Hate is a protective response against intrusion or injury, whether real or imagined. Hate masks fear and empowers it; it strengthens fear into a motivating force. But it never appears on its own; wherever there is hate it’s guaranteed that fear is lurking just beneath the surface. Hate just weaponizes it.
Don't Get Mad, Get Honest
I had an acting professor in college who’d always roll his eyes and sigh whenever we shouted during a scene. He told us that watching anger on stage is boring. Not simply because yelling one’s way through a scene lacks nuance (and becomes monotonous quickly once an audience grows accustomed to seeing bulging neck cords) but because anger is “a fake emotion”.
“Anger is never the truth,” he said. “It’s always hiding the real emotion, whether that’s fear or grief or confusion or betrayal.” Good acting reveals the emotion beneath the anger. If anger tries to assert itself in a character, the actor has to play it as a losing battle… because if we can’t see what’s beneath the anger we’ll lose interest. Anger is the infection, not the wound. Hate is the same way.
All hate can do is inflame those wounds which block us from love; all those lies we’re told (and tell ourselves) about being unlovable, unworthy or unseen. Hate masks our real wounds— it turns them toxic and makes them fester. Hate can also be used to infect other people. But ultimately, hate always fails. Because on its own it has no power. Hate is counterfeit.
Love is God?
Only love is real. Love is the unflinching will of Life, itself. If I have faith in anything today, it’s that. Love is our source and destination, alpha and omega, beginning and end. We humans have no power to alter or change love. The most we can do is block ourselves off from it— and we all do quite a bit of that. We can also inflict a lot of damage by blocking others from it, as well. But we can’t extinguish it or dull its power. Love is omnipotent and eternal.
So what do we do if we’re not lucky enough to experience love directly? If we’ve been raised without it, or been subjected to constant hatred or self-loathing? What if we’re desperately lonely? These are the wounds that block us from love. These are the wounds that force us into maladaptive behaviors.
But behaviors can be un-learned. It takes practice and commitment. It also takes courage at a deep and fundamental level. Most of all, it takes a willingness to love and accept yourself as you are. Full stop. You are worthy of giving and receiving love. You are always enough. That core realization is the essence of every spiritual awakening.
There are many who pervert religion by obscuring that basic fact. They would have you believe that if you love yourself without exception or qualification you will never have the will or desire to change. Because you are coming from a place of sin and unworthiness. That’s horse shit.
The realization that you are loved as you are is what enables you to change. It supplies courage, and gives us the ability to reach beyond ourselves. True love won’t tolerate lies or laziness. Those things will melt away when you have the courage to really love yourself. The infection will subside, & the wounds that block you will heal.
It’s not an act of will. It’s an act of grace. You have to be open to receive it, but it is a gift bestowed freely by a loving & creative Universe. I know, because it happened to me.
*This is why I’ve always found Satanism so embarrassing. If you don’t believe in God, Satanism is kind of like starting an anti-Santa Claus cult and expecting people to take you seriously. If you want to have orgies, get high & celebrate selfishness go for it, but ffs have some intellectual integrity. And if you do believe in God, Satanism is like getting a mohawk & earrings and playing Black Flag because you know it’ll piss off your dad.
** This is not what happened to me, Thank God. But it could have. All is grace.
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