Reasonable Doubt

There is no legal case to be made for the existence of Jesus. So please STFU.*

Please do not call this number.

* if such language is unpalatable to you please feel free to substitute the Christian alternative; "Bless your heart."

Weary Pilgrims

We recently traveled to Indy to visit my family. Driving through Northwest Indiana (or as we Chicagoans call it, “Da Region”), we passed all the standard billboards; personal injury lawyers, casinos and bankruptcy services, strip clubs and adult bookstores. But one particular billboard caused both my wife and me to howl with outrage and indignation. It read:

“Beyond Reasonable Doubt Jesus is Alive.”

Per usual, the other seven occupants of the van ignored us completely. The kids remained absorbed in their screens. Both dogs had finally accepted that we were not stopping to swim in Lake Michigan and gone to sleep. Our fifteen-year-old daughter may have offered a reflexive and perfunctory, “Shhhhh” at our outburst, but otherwise it went unremarked upon. They’re used to us reacting warmly to such provocations.

I sputtered, “That is such bullshit!” My wife may have offered a reflexive and perfunctory, “Shhhh” at my language, but I knew she shared the sentiment. The smug ridiculousness and patent falsehood of the statement annoyed us both. And we’re practicing Christians.

Because the only reasonable response to the idea that Jesus is Alive is doubt. Actually, scratch that. Doubt is not reasonable. Complete and utter rejection of the idea that Jesus is Alive is the only reasonable response to such a claim. There is nothing reasonable, or verifiable, or even remotely sensible about the notion that some poor guy who was executed two millennia ago is alive and well in 2018, no matter how much of a cultural trope it’s become. It fails the test of reason.

Not a Biblical reference.

Guilty by Reason of Stupidity

Reason demands that we acknowledge reality: the Jesus story is completely irrational. It’s superstitious and archaic. It’s Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs. It defies all that we know of logic and reality. It fails the scientific test, utterly.

There’s also the little problem of Jesus being but one example in a long line of Gods who died and were resurrected. He was preceded by Osiris, Apollo and at least a dozen others. The myth of the dying God is quite common, and has popped up independently in cultures across the globe. The basic concept wasn’t new, even back then. Plus, there is not one shred of historical evidence that some random carpenter from a backwater town rose from the dead and walked among us. It fails the historical test.

But this billboard blows right past history and science to suggest there is an airtight legal case to be made for Jesus’ current living situation. “Beyond a reasonable doubt” is the standard by which trial juries are instructed to reach a verdict. And the burden of proof falls squarely on the shoulders of the outfit producing these signs. They assure us they can meet this threshold—that’s why they rented the damn billboard. So I checked the website to see what proof they offer to convince we, the passing jury, of their case. SPOILER ALERT: it’s The Bible! Duhhh.

Of course, taking apart this argument is like shooting fish in a barrel. Or kissing your sister (both of which are strictly forbidden by Leviticus). Saying “The Bible is true because the Bible says it’s true” is like saying that the movie “Gremlins” proves that Gremlins are real because it has Gremlins in it. You can believe on Gremlins all you want to—and bless your heart**— but good luck getting a jury to buy it.

Beware Streams of Living Water. And snacks after midnight.

** This versatile phrase can also express the sentiment, “You are an idiot.”

Don’t Expect Me to be Reasonable

Now, based on all of this you might think I reject the idea that Jesus is, indeed, Alive & Well. That is entirely reasonable. But incorrect. If you’d asked me ten or twenty years ago you’d have been right. But not today. Today I have faith in Jesus as the eternal embodiment and emissary of the one true God largely because such belief is totally unreasonable, yet makes nearly-perfect sense emotionally and spiritually.

Jesus makes even more sense psychologically. The Beatitudes are contradictory, yet somehow the creative tension between those opposing dualities are strong enough to hold the Truth, and have done so for two thousand years. The idea of being simultaneously human and divine, king and pauper, savior and sacrifice, criminal and victim transcends the either-or aspect of life as we know it, and reflects an ultimate reality beyond the limits of this world. Toss in the notion that you are forgiven & beloved exactly as you are and have no need to fear or worry about the future (no matter what some Christians might tell you), and you have the makings of a pretty strong spiritual approach to living. One that I have faith in.

But belief? Well, belief comes and goes, quite honestly. Doubt is a constant companion to faith… or else it can’t really be called faith, at all. Making some ham-handed claim about Jesus’ existence being “beyond a reasonable doubt” doesn’t miraculously create a compelling case for a shaky narrative. It merely reveals a dogmatic stupidity, a belligerence masquerading as belief, and a lie so obvious that it should be offensive to non-believers and believers alike.

It’s essential that we all continue to acknowledge reality, even as we cling to preposterous folk-tales and unscientific claims as the fundamental Truths of our lives. There is no rational, historical or scientific case to be made for Jesus. Period. And from my perspective, that isn’t a deal-breaker. In fact, it’s the necessary departure point for a meaningful faith journey.